Ten reasons why spooks should have ‘power of sodomy’ over people

sent by a reader in Wellington

Expanding spy agencies’ powers to protect kiwis from multiple threats

The Government Communications Security Bureau (GCSB) is the department charged with promoting our “national security” by spying, collecting, sharing and anal-ysing information.

The New Zealand Security Intelligence Service (NZSIS or SIS) is our main domestic and counter-intelligence spy agency.

Ten reasons why spy agencies need extended powers to protect our lives and livelihoods!!

1. Foil the conspiracy by French au pairs to invade Godzone and steal  our jobs; help INZ to deport all of them.

2. Stop the criminals from forging NZ passports for kangaroos that enter New Zealand illegally. Identify those kangaroos who already have forged passports, and prevent them from entering the country with tons of illicit drugs hidden in their pouches.

3. Stop the terrorists from entering the country and spreading methamphetamine in NZ homes to cause the property market to crash.

4. Take out the terrorists who come to New Zealand with the sole intention of tampering with our cars and causing hundreds of fatal crashes each year.

5. Negotiate more preferential franchise fees with the mushrooming Asian gangs.

6. Stop the terrorists spraying our forests with hundreds of thousands of tonnes of bovine fecal matter, and prevent them from poisoning our lakes, too!
   

7. Prevent our women from traveling to Middle East to become virgin brides.

8. Tighten the noose around the embedded media’s neck and prevent them from reporting anything that could be used by domestic terrorists against the establishment. One cannot take any chances!

9. Unify the country under one flag by eliminating ALL dissenters.

10. Arrest and sodomize anyone who disagrees with our PM, or his democratic government.