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Archive for the ‘Air New Zealand’ Category

Another NZ Pilot Downs His Helicopter

Posted by te2ataria on January 25, 2010

kiwi pilot Kills Himself and two Spaniards

The bodies  of Kevin Holmes, a New Zealander, and two Spaniards, have been recovered from the wreckage of a helicopter in Spain, news agency AFP reported, Stuff NZ said.

New Zealand-born Kevin Holmes was probably flying the helicopter when it crashed into the sea off the port of Almeria, Spain.

Of the four people on board, three were reportedly killed, but the fourth person survived and was rescued.

“Holmes’ body was found in the helicopter at a depth of 85 metres by a Spanish navy team using a remote-controlled submarine.”

The helicopter was on a routine flight and the cause of the crash is a mystery, AFP reported.

Try pilot error [incompetence, poor training, alcohol, drugs…!]

Meanwhile …

An Air New Zealand Double Tragedy Waiting to Happen

Air New Zealand had a “close call” as two passenger aircraft over Queenstown’s Lake Wakatipu came close enough to spark an automatic warning to the two pilots, the Otago Daily Times reported.

“CAA spokeswoman Emma Peel said yesterday an Air New Zealand Boeing 737 was approaching Queenstown Airport’s runway last Saturday when it was warned by its “terrain collision avoidance system” another aircraft was in the area.” The report said.

Back in  Auckland International Airport …

Another Emergency Landing at Auckland International Airport

An  Airbus A340-200, some 60 minutes into its flight from Auckland to Buenos Aires, reported the shutdown of its No. 1 engine, and returned to Auckland, scaring the living daylight out of its passengers. Fortunately for the 229 tourists onboard,  the plane landed without incident at about 10.25pm,  a report said.

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Posted in air disaster, Air New Zealand, helicopter flight, plane crash | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

New Zealand Killing Fields: Carnage Intensifies

Posted by te2ataria on October 31, 2009

You need more than 9 lives to survive driving in New Zealand

You could be the best driver in the world; you could even take your car with you to New Zealand to avoid renting a fatally defective car there. But surviving the drunk, drugged and suicide-drivers on the country’s death roads is an entirely different matter.

double fatal
DOUBLE FATAL CRASH: The Ford Econovan was seen being driven erratically before it crossed the centreline and smashed head-on into an oncoming car on a Hawke’s Bay bridge on State Highway 50 near Taradale early today . Photo: NZPA. Image may be subject to copyright!

On New Zealand Death Roads you could be killed by

  • The police giving chase to handbag snatchers
  • 50+ year-old women unhappy with their miserable lives, and back from a disappointing sex tourism trip
  • The average New Zealander driving under the influence (DUI) of alcohol, ecstasy and methamphetamines, especially ‘P’
  • 12 year-old drivers drunk out of their tiny, stupid brains

The van seen in the photo, carrying seven people, all between 16 and 19, was driven by a 16-year-old girl who had been drinking, police said.

It crossed the centreline and smashed head-on into an oncoming car on a Hawke’s Bay bridge on State Highway 50 near Taradale early today.

Three occupants, two males and a female, were catapulted from the van over the bridge into the Tutaekuri River about 15m below.

The two males, aged 19 and 17, were found dead in the shallow water under the bridge, while the woman was found on the riverbank with critical injuries.

An 18-year-old male passenger in the van was in a critical condition in the intensive care unit.

A 17-year-old female and a 17-year-old male were in a serious condition, and an 18-year-old male and a 17-year-old female were in a stable condition. More …

YOU could be the occupant(s) of the next on-coming car that a drunk, drugged New Zealand teen driver or an old suicide-driver smashes their vehicle into. Do you feel lucky? Well do ya?

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Posted in 10 reasons to visit NZ, 10 Worst Cities, 10 worst Countries, 10 Worst Places, A Culture of Violence, Air New Zealand, Air New zealand Deaths, antisocial behavior, Antisocial Gene, driving in New Zealand, Tourist Deathtrap, travel New Zealand | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Meet NZ’s Michelangelo

Posted by te2ataria on October 30, 2009

sent by an aurtistic reader

Meet Michelangelo’s NZ Reincarnation and his David [The Shithead, actually]

Nick smith Head in cow manureArtist Sam Mahon sculpture of Nick Smith’s head out of cow manure is for sale on TradeMe. Image may be subject to cowpee-right.

ACC and Environment Minister Nick Smith head was crafted cow manure by  New Zealand’s poo artist Sam Mahon.

The sculpture is  a 3D rendition of Dr Nick Smith and is called “Nick Smith in Shit,” available for sale on New Zealand’s version of eBay called TradeMe, where it was described as “light and hollow and highly polished.”

The sale will end November 6. [Hurry!]

The “Shithead” sits on a steel stand on display at the COCA Gallery in Christchurch. [Where else!]

Mahon was introduced as a Canterbury painter, printmaker and sculptor, usually working in bronze.

He has also written three books, including  My Father’s Shadow, which is  about his father Justice Peter Mahon, who was the Royal Commissioner into the Mt Erebus air disaster that let Air New Zealand off the hook.

Lighthearted gossip has it that the artist is crafting the head of PM John Key and his entire cabinet in human feces, however he is said to be having difficulty keeping Mr Key’s enormous nose in one piece.

Air NZ should have commissioned Sam Mahon to craft their “Sculpture of Error and Incompetence!”  He would have had a unique slant!

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Posted in Air New Zealand, John Key, Mt Erebus air disaster, New Zealand Culture, New Zealand Govt, NZ arts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pilot Error Downed Air New Zealand Airbus!

Posted by te2ataria on February 25, 2009

Watch Our Lips: Read the *&#^*%* Report!

“PILOT ERROR” caused the Airbus A320 to crash into the Mediterranean Sea killing all aboard.


Five New Zealanders died in the crash off the coast of France in November. Photos / l’Independant, via nz herald.

France’s Bureau d’Enquetes et d’Analyses (BEA) said in a  report published today in Paris that the “the plane performed a low speed test at too low an altitude.”

“The report shows a dramatic last minute struggle to save the plane, but it smashed into the sea at 263 knots or 487 kilometres per hour.” Media reported.

“Air New Zealand pilot Brian Horrell was sitting in a middle cockpit seat and an unnamed Air New Zealand engineer was on the flight deck.”

The report says the crew had “not received any specific training for this type of flight”.

The nincompoop Air New Zealand CEO, Rob Fyfe, is naturally upset with his airline’s abject failure to ensure safety. Mr Fyfe said, a “combination of failures” must have been behind the crash.

Yes, Mr Fyfe, you’re dead right, it was a combination of failures: Incompetence, inadequate training, corporate  greed, cutting corners …

In America some pilots can land on water without engines!

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Posted in Air New Zealand, Airbus A320, Bureau d'Enquetes et d'Analyses, PILOT ERROR, plane crash | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Bend Over, Spread Your Legs and say Baa . . .

Posted by te2ataria on April 1, 2008

Air New Zealand Fumigates Passengers

Like a herd of diseased sheep, Air New Zealand passengers were fumigated after a government agency discovered that an aircraft’s ‘biosecurity’ clearance had expired.

According to a passenger, who spoke to reporters on condition of anonymity (otherwise he could lose his job, or worse, for exercising his freedom of speech), Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry officers wearing chemical/biological hazard protection suits boarded the plane at Auckland International Airport and manually fumigated all passengers.

“All we heard was that this was a MAF requirement. It was like how they used to do things on planes about 20 years ago, but I still thought it was pretty strange,” he said.

The spraying left passengers with sore throats and caused at least one baby to gag and vomit.

MAF officers took about five minutes to fumigate the plane before leaving the passengers to sit in “a thick fog” as they sealed the door shut behind them, according to another passenger.

“It was pretty concerning to see that and there were other passengers having to hold their noses and cover their mouths,” he said. “It was something akin to a sauna, not the heat but the look of the place and the longer it went on the foggier it became, it was ridiculous.

“Even now I have a real raspy throat so you could imagine what the effect would be on an infant.”

It’s not clear what kind of chemicals the government agents used, or what long term side effects the fumigated passenger might encounter. Full Report

Pregnant travelers, parents traveling with young children, especially infants and toddlers, young adults, people with heart conditions, or a history of blood pressure, asthma, diabetes, or similar medical conditions are strongly advised not to fly Air New Zealand to avoid possible fumigation.

Let’s hope they don’t start mulesing the passengers like they do their sheep!


This is your captain speaking: We’ve just landed at Auckland International Airport.
When the MAF agents approach you, bend over, spread your legs and say Baa, Baa . . .

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Posted in Air New Zealand, Auckland, biosecurity, diseased animals, fumigate, health, New Zealand, pollution, sore throat, Tourism, tourist, Tourist Deathtrap, Travel, vomit | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »